Seems like boys and school just don’t mix, do they? They just can’t seem to take four to five hours of sitting still at a desk, writing or reading or listening to the teacher. They wriggle, they scratch themselves, they crumple up little pieces of paper, they look around the room to see what else is going on. I remember those days of trying to keep a majority of boys under some sort of control, and let me tell you right now, it’s not easy.

As a parent of young Black males, I am well aware of the labels that may be placed upon them as they go their merry way through school “Aggressive, uncontrolled, fidgety, can’t sit still….” Then we get the heavy ones, “ADD, ADHD…..have you tried Ritalin?”

Before I go any further, parents, and friends of parents who are reading this blog. PLEASE do not take what I say as medical or educational advice. I am just a parent and a former teacher who is speaking from experience. My word is not law and I do not claim to have any special expertise in this area. By all means, if you sense an issue with your young man, please seek medical assistance.

Now, that the disclaimer is out of the way, here we go. Boys will be boys. They have testosterone, which causes them to yell, holler, jump off couches, porches, decks, run, climb trees, bump into each other and random furniture, and did I say yell? It’s a fact of life that most boys are simply boisterous and seemingly out of control. Following are some tips on keeping your sanity while raising boys.

• Allow them to expend that energy. They are going to yell, run, shout and scream. Certainly, you can ask them to keep it down to a dull roar, but the best thing is to let them outside while they run like wildebeests. Meanwhile, you sit in a lawn chair sipping lemonade and reading your book.

• Find out their interests. For the most part, boys will not sit down and read a book. What you might do is find something that interests them and give this to them when you need a little quiet time. With my first son, it’s dominoes. With my littler son, it’s those HotWheels cars. The both of them can play quietly for at least 20 minutes with their special interest toys. And that’s a blessedly quiet 20 minutes!

• Give them affection. Just because they’re boys doesn’t mean they don’t like being hugged and kissed on the top of their sweaty heads. Just don’t make a big deal about “mommy’s little boy”. Also, no boy is too grown for a show of affection. They NEED that physical affirmation.

• Talk to them. Yes, you’re tired. You don’t need to hear a little boy prattling in your ear. Count to five, and restrain yourself from saying “You talk too much.” Listen and talk to your boys. You just might learn something.

School Days
Statistics show that black boys are more likely to be disciplined and/or expelled, even in the early years of school. They are also more likely to be recommended for special education or diagnosed with a learning disorder. Forewarned is forearmed, parents. Remember that the teacher, nor the principal, nor that guidance counselor is the end all/be all for your child. You don’t have to put your child on medication so that he sits in a corner, nearly comatose just to take the stress off a teacher who may or may not be able to handle a bouncy boy. Here are some ways to keep your child from being tagged as a trouble maker.

• Serve a good breakfast. Pop Tarts and Sunny Delight do not a good breakfast make. Talk about a recipe for disaster. I know my marginally well behaved boys would be bouncing off the wall after such a meal. Aim for high fiber, low sugar breakfasts such as oatmeal with milk or cream, boiled eggs and whole wheat toast, cream of wheat with butter and milk, yogurt with granola. If you’re in a hurry, try a yogurt smoothie with fruit and some cheese on the side. Just don’t get taken in by that instant oatmeal. In some cases you might as well serve your boy a packet of sugar. The behavior caused by blood sugar spikes may cause your boy to act out in class and/or be unable to sit still.

• Reinforce expectations. Let your boy know that you expect him to behave in school Also let him know that it may be hard to sit still for such a long time, but assure him that you know he can do it. Hopefully, he will have a teacher that does understand boys and accommodates them accordingly.

• Enough sleep and exercise. What else is there to say? My boys sleep well when I allow them to run around like gazelle in the back yard.

• Limit TV and video games. Yes, I do rally against too much TV. You don’t want your child to become a zombie, sitting in front of the TV for hours at time. Sure, he’s quiet, is his brain active?

• Avoid drugs, if you can. Medication should be a last resort. Try behavior modification, nutritional support, counseling, changing teachers, whatever you can to avoid the medication. Certainly, if all these things don’t work, then perhaps medication is the only way. But make it a last resort, not a first step.

Boys can be fun. They always seem to be having fun, running around and shouting at each other – who can’t admire that exuberance for life? Remember though, our black boys are a precious commodity and it’s up to us to raise them right.