As an educator of over 15 years, a black parent: the mother of three children of my own, I have seen so many black children fall through the cracks and many of them achieve. However, this is not going to a denigration of the school system, but hopefully a guide on how we, as black parents can interact with our children to instill discipline and pride as well as giving them a voice and encourage independent thinking. Remember that the school system in in place to socialize children – to train them how to behave in groups. However, in many classrooms across the nation, the goal is to keep students quiet and working, not to assist them in learning how to speak up for themselves. The reason for this is actually practical on some levels. As a teacher, if I had 23-25 students expressing themselves on a regular basis, I think I might not have lasted as long as I did.

The phrase “children should be seen and not heard” is a familiar one to those of an older generation, but as society evolves and technology and entrepreneurship become more prevalent, it is to our advantage as black parent to train our children to play both sides of the coin, so to speak. That is to say we should train them to “get along” in the classroom, for example, obeying the teacher and observing school rules, but we should also encourage them through our home based discussion, to be creative, to think for themselves and to use discretion when interacting with others.

Some of you who may be reading this may be offended at the fact that I am targeting black parents. However, I have seen too many black boys slated for special education classes because of so-called “behavioral problems” which simply stem from the inability of their current teacher to handle “boy like” behavior. As a parent of two headstrong black boys, their energy, gracelessness and their seeming inability to move through a space without disrupting something is business as usual to me; as a (childless) teacher, I fortunate enough to recognize that boys are different from girls (usually) and should be treated as such. Our African American, or black boys are full of energy – they can’t sit still for more than a minute or two! We have to teach them how to contain this energy so that they are not labeled as disruptive.

How do we do this? Talk to your children. Do not always “shush” them because you are tired of hearing their mouths (and believe me, this will happen). Answer their questions no matter how silly you might think they are. Explain things to them in the grocery store, at the car wash, in the deli. You’d be surprised at how much they will absorb and actually repeat back to you at a later time. Now, I am not trying to say be a doormat to your black child, to listen to prattling at all hours of the day – this is where we have to create a balance. The point is, we as black parents have to give our children the words and the information to express themselves. The way we do this is by our speech and conversations with them.

Too often I see black children in the store with tired mom or dad being continually “shushed” or worse “shet up boy, you ask too many questions” or “shut up can’t you see I’m trying to shop”. We MUST stop doing this to our black boys and girls. We black parents have to understand that we are our children’s first teacher and we have to overcome our irritability, our tiredness, our annoyance to give our children what they need from us.

Give your black child a voice – allow him or her to express themselves – find out what they are thinking - find out what they know! You might be surprised!

Please post with any comments or experience you may have with this.

1love in unity

N’mama