Your Child’s Self Esteem

“Do as I say, not as I do.” How many of us remember hearing that as a child, or even heard other parents say that to their children? We all know that children copy what they see and if you want to start helping your child build a positive self-image and to value themselves as a person, then you need to show them your positive self-image! Children are great mimics and they copy what they see. Be kind to yourself as a parent. Be positive when you speak about yourself and place emphasis on your accomplishments and try not to dwell too much on your failures, at least in front of your children. By doing this, your child will understand that it’s okay to be smart and proud of his/her talents and abilities. And you will get a boost too!

As a black parent, I know that it may be difficult to fight against a lot of the negative media out there that concern some black people. Between the “judge shows” and the talk shows you wonder where the heck some of these people come from! We have to combat this as parents by praising our children each day to show them how accomplished they can become. For example, give your child something to do such as take out the garbage or pick up their toys, then commend them for a job well done. Notice that I specified “honest” praise. Don’t just praise a child to make him/her feel good – this negates its power.

If you find your child feeling angry, sad or depressed, be patient with them. I know you’re busy as a parent and to see a child moping around may make you wonder “what does s/he have to be sad about”. Remember, our precious children have feelings just like us and sometimes they just get depressed. Talk to them, listen to them without pushing your own judgment on them. Sometimes our children just need to talk. They may or may not fully understand why they are feeling this way – you are helping them understand their feelings better by lending a sympathetic ear. You might even suggest some positive behaviors to take their mind off the sadness – but remember to leave the opportunity to talk always open. A child will be more willing to come to you with their feelings if they can be confident that they will not be punished or judged.

Teaching your child the importance of setting goals and developing a plan of action is a skill that will help them later on in life. For the littlest ones, five and under, start with small projects such as putting clothes away or the best way to complete a homework assignments. The older the child, the more complex the plan can be. Remember to encourage them along the way.

Be sure to tell your child “I love you” every day – hugs and kisses are great too. Most children love physical affection as it helps them feel closer to you as a mom or dad. When they act up, which they will, remind them that it’s the behavior you don’t like, and that you still love them. I have to remind myself to make sure my five year old remembers that and to make sure he feels free to come and tell me anything, whenever.

Following these steps may not make raising a child easier, but it will sweeten the way!

One Love,

N’Mama